Watch Your Mouth - Week 3

“Kill the Gossip – Silencing Slander and Whispering”

Week 1 – The Complaining Mouth
Week 2 – The Critical Mouth
Today – The Infectious Mouth

Big Idea: Gossip is poison in disguise. It’s often dressed up as concern, curiosity, or “sharing for prayer,” but Scripture is clear — gossip divides, distorts, and dishonors.

1. What Gossip Is

“Gossip is telling a story that communicates bad news about another person behind that person’s back.” – Matthew C. Mitchell, “Winning the War of the Wagging Tongue”

“If the person you’re talking to can’t help the person you’re talking about, you’re not sharing — you’re gossiping.”
Proverbs 16:28 (ESV)

2. Forms of Gossip

a. The Rumor Starter – “Bad Information” (Exodus 23:1)
 - Rumors are half-truths, potential truths, false information, or lies.
b. The Fault Yeller – “Bad Moment Multiplying” (Proverbs 17:9)
c. The Suspicion Planter – “Trust Dividing” (Proverbs 16:28 again)
 - A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Discernment Tip: There’s a difference between a loving warning and relational manipulation.
Ask: “Is this shared from love or envy?”

II. The Allure of Gossip

Roots of Gossip

1. Unchecked Curiosity (1 Timothy 5:13; Proverbs 11:13)
Gossip grows when our curiosity outruns our calling.

2. Attention-Needy
3. Self-Promotion
4. Harboring Bitterness

- When resentment festers, gossip becomes revenge disguised as reflection.
- Unforgiveness fuels our need to criticize others to justify ourselves.
– Matthew 12:36–37 

III. The Defeat of Gossip

1. Speak the Truth (Ephesians 4:15) 

Practical Guideline - Ask three questions before you speak:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

2. In Love

Ask yourself:
Am I sharing this to help or to harm?
Would I say this if the person were present?
Is love my motive, or am I protecting my ego?

3. Follow the Jesus Model (Matthew 18:15, Titus 3:2)

Application and Practice
1. The “Gossip Fast” Challenge: For 7 days, speak only what builds others up. No negative talk about anyone not present.
2. Accountability: Invite a trusted person to call you out if gossip starts to slip into your speech.
3. Community Covenant: In your small groups or ministry teams, agree to follow Matthew 18:15 — go directly, not around.
4. Restoration Step: If you know gossip has caused distance, make the first move toward reconciliation this week.

Small Group Discussion Questions – Week 3: “Kill the Gossip”

1. Defining the Line: Gossip often hides behind concern or “sharing for prayer.”
How can we discern when a conversation crosses the line from caring to gossiping?
(Consider using the quote: “If the person you’re talking to can’t help the person you’re talking about, you’re not sharing — you’re gossiping.”)

2. Forms and Motives: 
Of the three forms of gossip — Rumor Starter, Fault Yeller, Suspicion Planter — which do you think most tempts people today, and why?
How do our motives (like attention, pride, or bitterness) feed these habits?

3. Roots Check:
When you think about unchecked curiosity, attention-needy behavior, self-promotion, or bitterness — which root have you personally seen lead to gossip in your own life or community?

4. Defeating Gossip: Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “speak the truth in love.”
Which side do you tend to lean toward — truth without love, or love without truth?
What practical steps could help you live in that Spirit-led balance?

5. The Jesus Model: Read Matthew 18:15–17.
Why do you think Jesus insists that we go to someone directly instead of around them?
How would relationships in the church change if this one principle became our standard?

3-Day Devotional: “Defeating Gossip – Walking in Truth and Love”

Day 1 – Speak the Truth (Ephesians 4:15)

Scripture: “Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ.” – Ephesians 4:15 (NLT)

Reflection: Truth matters to God — He is truth (John 14:6). But truth without grace becomes a weapon. Gossip often begins when we distort truth to make a story more interesting or when we share facts that aren’t ours to share. God doesn’t call us to speak everything we know, but to speak what helps others grow.

Ask Yourself: Is what I’m saying true? Is it necessary? Does it build up or tear down?
Sometimes the holiest thing you can say is nothing at all. Silence can be an act of obedience.

Prayer: “Lord, help my mouth reflect Your truth. Give me wisdom to know when to speak and humility to stay silent when my words won’t bring life.”

Practice: Before you speak about someone today, pause and pray: “Holy Spirit, is this truth meant to be shared or kept?”

Day 2 – Speak in Love (1 Corinthians 13:1; Proverbs 17:9)

Scripture: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” – 1 Corinthians 13:1
“Whoever covers an offense seeks love.” – Proverbs 17:9

Reflection: Truth and love are not opposites — they are partners. Gossip often disguises itself as “just telling the truth,” but without love, truth becomes cruelty. Love isn’t sentimental — it’s sacrificial. It means choosing to protect another’s reputation instead of promoting your own.

Ask: Am I saying this because I love the person, or because I want to look better than them? Remember, love doesn’t expose people’s worst moments; it covers them in grace while calling them toward healing.

Prayer: “Jesus, teach me to speak truthfully and tenderly. Guard my heart from pride that wants to be right more than it wants to love.”

Practice: Find one person this week to speak life over — encourage them behind their back. Let your words restore what gossip destroys.

Day 3 – Follow the Jesus Model (Matthew 18:15; Titus 3:2)

Scripture: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” – Matthew 18:15
“…speak evil of no one, avoid quarreling, be gentle, and show perfect courtesy toward all people.” – Titus 3:2

Reflection: Jesus didn’t tell us to ignore sin — He told us to address it directly, humbly, and privately. Gossip chooses convenience over courage. It goes around people because going to people is uncomfortable. The Jesus way is restoration, not reputation. 

When someone offends you, your first conversation should be with them and with God, not with others. When we speak evil of no one and deal gently with all, we protect the unity Christ died to create.

Prayer: “Lord, give me courage to go to people, not around them. Make my words instruments of peace, not weapons of division.”

Practice: If there’s tension or misunderstanding between you and someone else, reach out to them directly this week. Don’t text about them — talk to them. Begin the work of restoration.